The TRULY Most Offensive Word in America — Submissive!

 

Submissive Photo with Title

The first in my series on values, I’m tackling one of the most reviled, Submission!
This has been on my mind for a long while, and though I’ve tried writing about it many times, I’ve been too nervous to really start. That said, here I go!

First off, a little background; I was raised unchristian, by that I mean I learned to look to every source of wisdom and teaching EXCEPT to Christ. I was a heathen, a pagan, an atheist, an agnostic, a buddhist, a selfian, a humanist, and primarily of the school of “If It Feels Good, Do It!” Not surprisingly, I suffered from depression for more than a decade, with suicidal ideation at times. I felt lost and empty. I filled the hole in my heart (and soul) with cheap and meaningless relationships, and recreational chemicals. I hurt everyone around me, and was hurt by them. And I ended up married to a man who understood manipulation better than love. And through all of that, I abhorred the terms submission, obedience, repentance, prayer, etc. I grew to believe the words represented holding someone down, chaining them, forcing them – in general they meant slavery to me. The sad irony was that I was already a slave.

Yet through it all I was still seeking for Light and Truth. And one day I finally found it. Unlike many who turned to Christ after falling to their deepest low, I was starting to finally succeed. As a child, my family was transient and homeless at times. My parents divorced when I was 4, and their perfect American dreamed exploded in the fury. With it, their faith was shaken, especially my mom’s. Despite her lack of financial prowess, my mother placed a very high priority on education. She did everything in her power and more to send us to the best public schools in the city, sometimes causing us to drive 45 minutes every morning to get there. After receiving my High School diploma in what I believe to be the best public high school in Colorado (at the time, anyway), I was easily accepted into college. Five years and many part time jobs later (up to 4 at a time one summer), I had my Bachelor’s, and after a few years of struggling found a perfectly middle-class white collar job.

Finally, my life was starting to make sense. I had a husband, a baby, a new job, and was even renting a spacious 4-bedroom home in Highlands Ranch (suburb of Denver, the capital of Colorado). It was my success in my new suburban life that awoke me to the realization that something fundamental was missing…

I finally figured out that I really had looked everywhere else, and that I was avoiding turning to Him. As I learned more about the Gospel, the church, etc. I ran into these words that I had reviled against. I plan to devote a post or more to each one, but this one has been on my mind much in the past few days especially. Two of the triggers that stirred my thoughts on this topic are found at Kristi Clover and at Women Living Well. The former article I read 2 years ago, and the latter just yesterday. In both articles the authors succinctly spell out the Bible’s teachings on the subject. But I wanted to add my more personal perspective as well on how this virtue has enhanced my life and deepened my daily peace.

It’s important to note that I define submission very differently than in my youth. As a feminist, I equated submission with slavery, willing or not. But now that I have an eternal perspective, I can see submission as a natural part of every healthy relationship. [Please understand this does NOT mean submission should be part of an unhealthy relationship, especially a manipulative or abusive one (I have experienced this, so I get it).] A student submits to his teacher if he is to learn anything. A child submits to his parents when being taught, especially regarding safety. A church-goer submits to his bishop’s INSPIRED guidance to draw closer to Christ. A disciple submits to Christ as the ultimate teacher, counselor, and King. And, the most controversial of all, a wife submits to her husband to strengthen their marriage.

I know that learning to control my nagging, controlling, over-worrying, and competition with my husband has strengthened our relationship deeply (I should mention that I am on my second marriage now; I and the husband I mentioned earlier failed to learn how to build a strong marriage). I have learned how to love my husband better by allowing the Lord to teach him, rather than trying to “fix” him myself. I take a deep breath and bite my tongue. I let him make mistakes and I try really hard not to say “I told you so.” In doing so, I show him more respect, and that respect is returned back to me. Submission to me means letting him be the man the Lord created. It means allowing him to strengthen his innate strengths as a husband, father, and provider by making the final decisions for our family. It means curbing my natural desire to pressure him, and instead providing my counsel and letting him make the final call. It means trusting his “gut,” and helping him by allowing him to do the same. I’ll admit, sometimes it doesn’t work out for the best, sometimes we’re driving around in circles adding 10 minutes to our delay. But that 10 minutes is WELL worth the moment that comes later, when he humbly says, “Thank you for not pushing me.” My husband and I draw closer through allowing each other to grow our own way. I humble myself and follow his guidance, and he humbles himself and tries to listen to me more.

We grow closer and create an eternal marriage. We trust each other and are at peace in our daily relationship. We lean on each other, strengthen each other, and support each other. I am content, at peace, and often joyful, even in the midst of extreme stress. That is worth all the individualism in the world.

Thank you for sitting through all of this post. I appreciate your time. Feel free to add your comments below, though understand that I will not approve any that are attacks on anyone. I would love to hear how you have grown through coming to peace with this Christlike virtue.

Blessings,
Sarah

Parenting and Tempers Don’t Mix Well

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So I’ve been researching how to parent better for over a decade now (see my previous post, I Have Difficult Children), it’s an ongoing thing. Anyway yesterday I was reading a great article about keeping calm when doling out consequences (The Distracted Mom) and remembering the advice received in the parenting class I had to take after my dear boy, Aagh was diagnosed with O.D.D. (Oppositional Defiant Disorder). I took the class back in February, so I had practiced the methods that The Distracted Mom described. And I have seen them work.

However, I am not good at keeping my cool on a day-to-day basis. More often than I’d like to admit, I am frustrated with myself for hollering at the kids, again. So, I’m working on it. But I’m still human, last I checked.

Feel free to comment with your commiserations and/or techniques for keeping cool.

Thanks again!

Sarah

Role of Law in Protecting Religious Freedom

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Religious freedom is fundamental to our identity as Americans, and even more important to our ability to become the best and highest self we can be. My parents and siblings each enjoy the freedom to believe completely differently from each other and from me. They enjoy the freedom to think I’m a crazy Christian lady, and I have the freedom to follow Christ. I am so deeply grateful to live in this country and believe what I will, teach my children how I will, and disagree with my family as I will. 😉 And still love them dearly, of course!

Please enjoy this article that reignited my gratitude:

http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/balance-law-freedom?cid=HP_FR_14-7-2017_dPAD_fMNWS_xLIDyC-1_

 

I’m an Old Fashioned Kind of Gal

There are so many days where I wish we could go back in time 20, or 30 years, or even 130 years. Back to when life was simpler, and people weren’t afraid to speak about morality, and values, and following Christ. Back before Politically Correct slowly eroded away Truth.

Back when everyone knew what was right and how to live your life to maximize personal happiness.

Instead we look back on the dysfunctional families and say it was the backwards thinking that created the problems. We try to slap a one-size fits all approach to the failures in individual homes, and as a result we create new failures now.

I Have Difficult Children

 

So I’m the mother of a blended family. Yup, I failed my first marriage, utterly, pretty ugly. Anyway, I had one son from my first husband, a very bright, energetic boy (some of you already know where this is going), who used every tool in his arsenal to test my newly-developed mothering skills. As payback for us getting divorced at 2, he learned to hold his stools, creating a years long dance with toilet training and constipation. Yay! …

Once we got through that (just have patience with yourself, it WILL end eventually… right? 😉 ), my amazing boy, who we’re going to nickname AAGH!, had to enter kindergarten. — Actually, we weren’t all the way through the potty training when kindergarten started, imagine calls from the principal that he needed to go home early because he smelled… Such fun! — Anyway, my dear Aagh retained his bright, energetic nature and landed himself in so many suspensions that I honestly thought he was going to be expelled… from KINDERGARTEN!

We’re going to let that one sit for a minute. Wow.

This, by the way, is when I seriously started considering homeschooling.

Yeah… so anyway, and anyway, and anyway (as my dear Aagh used to say at the long-gone adorable age of 3), we have somehow all managed to survive elementary school with the lovely new diagnoses of ODD, ADHD, and Major Depressive Disorder, all my son’s. And surprisingly, other than more wrinkles than I should have at my age, I can honestly say I’m a better mom and person in general than when we started this journey.

Granted I still lose my cool more often than I’d like. But in general I’m a better person. I have to say I couldn’t have survived without my Savior. I leaned on Him when exhausted, cried to Him when in deepest despair, and prayed constantly when lost for ideas. Nothing He has asked me to do has been easy , but it has all brought me more peace, joy, love, and a greater understanding and liking of myself.

Up next… Middle School!! AAAHHHH!